A Torch Song for My Baby

I'll start with a preface: Danielle and I are not giving up on trying to have a baby.  However, we've not done much recently in the way of discussing next steps and have no idea when our next try will be.  If I'm being honest, we're probably afraid of making the next move, of taking that risk that's never paid off.  In the meantime, I've been spending a good deal of mental energy preparing myself for the worst case scenario- never getting to be a mom.

I don't think that this story will end with no children in our lives.  Still, I like to be prepared.  (Perhaps my background in scouting is to blame.)  Losing the chance to become a mother would be the greatest loss of my life, so I am trying to face that possibility head-on.  The way I play with my demons and try to make sense of them is through writing and making music.  Thus, the damn baby gets a torch song.  Imagine emotive orchestration or a finely played piano accompanying these lyrics.  And perhaps Trisha Yearwood's voice, with a well-placed catch here and there.  Sure, the song is a sad one, but I kinda like it.  And I can get through it without crying.

Take that, demons!

If You Don't Love Me

If you don't love me

If I'm not your choice

If you won't come running

when you hear my voice

If I just keep calling

and you never show

If you don't love me

baby, let me know.

I have been waiting

like a common fool.

You're like the summer

and I'm still in school.

I've got a yearning feeling

that only seems to grow.

If you don't love me, 

baby, let me know.

CHORUS: 

Should I move a little closer or just move on?

Are you right around the corner or too far gone?

I wish you'd tell me.

Won't someone tell me?

Seems all around me

are starry eyes

from a dream come true

or a sweet surprise.

Am I the only candle

that can't seem to glow?

If you don't love me,

baby, let me know.

CHORUS: 

Should I move a little closer or just move on?

Are you right around the corner or too far gone?

I wish you'd tell me.

Won't someone tell me?

If you don't love me

I'm gonna take it hard.

So let me go on,

let me get through the saddest part.

Right now I'm drowning

in the ebb and flow.

If you don't love me,

baby, let me know.

I just can't keep drowning

in the ebb and flow.

Do me a favor.

Baby, let me know.